Hole in my soul

My two week break officially ends today.Tomorrow,everything starts again.The hectic schedule,the homeworks,the tests and all the crazy painful things I could ever experience,starts TOMORROW.sigh.

When I go back to college tomorrow,the 2nd semester begins and so will all pain.Not to mention,I have got to settle some eca things.I will be on a temporary break from all events for my parents are very unhappy with my performace academically.I'm really sorry for letting you down mummy and daddy. :( I promise I'll be working much harder for the 2nd semester and my AS exam.So,before I can be free from all the eca,I have to settle what ever work that has left and I don't think it'll be easy.I have got the pre-med and Leader's stuff to settle.I can feel myself slowly dying already,knowing I'm in deeep s***.Thanks to the people out there who made things even more difficult for me.You know who you are.

On a more positive note,I managed to do many things during my 2 weeks break. (: Ahhh...Happy things.I went out with Nad Maf,Lisz on friday nights.Lisz is such a good driver to all of us. :P I manage to meet up with YL and Zen too.My favourite of all,ps2 afternoons almost all week.I absolutely love those moments.I also manage to watch Monsters vs Aliens,Night at The Museum 2 and Transformers 2.I can now cancel that off my to-do list ;) The process of getting Transformers tickets was exciting,and I must say,totally worth it!To come to think of it,it is our very first night movie.chehh..haha.On those days I was at home,I spent it reading books I never got the chance to that was waiting for me on the shelf.All in all,it was a pretty nice holiday.I must say,I quite enjoy it though it wasn't as long as I wish for it to be.I am really happy I got to spend time with friends that I miss dearly and also him. (:

I'm happy for the 2 weeks break.However,I'm not quite sure if the holidays did me any good.I've definitely gone rusty about all the things I learned for the past 4 months.Going back tomorrow to face all of it again will most defiinitely require some warm up tonight!I've gone rather insomniac a bit,and I have to get over it soon.I checked my time table for semester 2,all the lecturers are different from semester 1 except for Physics and Math.sigh.I'm going to miss Ms.A I tell you.I do hope semester 2 will be a better one and perhaps,things will improve.I want it to.As the brand new semester commences,I will have a new list of things to do.On a better note,I can now have lunch every with G6 friends every friday.Hear that?E-v-e-r-y Friday!Woohoo!Plus,I still get to have lunch with him twice a week.Super thankful for that!And,um...that's pretty much the bright side of things.Haha.I'm praying it'll be an awesome 2nd semester.

I'm just not so psyched for college,not yet at least.I feel like an utter failure with the many things I need to sort out. :( The state I'm in right now makes me an utter failure,or at least makes me feel like one.Thus,the post title.

Till something blog worthy,

Goodbye...

No sleep tonight

I have this sick twisted feeling in my stomach.I really do feel like I'm going to throw up any moment now.Wondering if it's something I ate.sigh.

I feel numb.Absolutely numb.I feel all choked up about how my world just turn upside down in a day.I think I underestimated life and now it's getting back at me.HAH.

I'll be taking a break from here and all that had happened.

So,see you in a while.

All my love,
Cheryl

save me baby

SERIOUSLY?Of all days,today?

When I finally decide to play Atlantica after a long break from it,today is the day where there's a blardy maintainence.Come on people!I need a breather.I need distractions.I need something.I need comfort.

I can't take another dissapointment.Please,no more.I'm on the edge of just exploding.sigh.

drained.emotionally drained that is.

Cuddle me,like a child cuddles his teddy.
Love me like the desert loves the rain.

Thoughts turn to hurtful feelings

So I was a little bruised...

It's just sometimes,the some things you do,we do,gets me thinking.

Don't worry sweetheart,
Bruises heal fast.

We turn 3

C is for the first initials of your name and mine.
3 is the number of years you have held my hand and walked by my side even in difficult times.It was the number of years you never left my side for anything or anyone else.3 is the number of years we were best friends and shared everything together,good or bad.It was the number of years you have taught me to love and trust and many more.3 is the number of years you have not gave up on us and put in all your effort to make things work.3 is the number of years we have loved each other.And,I still love you and I know you love me too.


To my love,

I am really sorry for all the arguments we had in the recent months.I know I had made things difficult for not only you but me.I have said and also done many hurtful things but I never meant any of it.It never came sincerely from the heart.It was anger and emotions that took over me and spoke.I promise you,I never meant any of those offending words and actions.For all the unhappy moments we had,perhaps it's our very own ego and selfishness that had caused it.But,I know,we're not perfect and I don't expect us to be.Through this moments we have became stronger and know each other better.I'll just make sure I won't let these moments get to me and ruin what we have.During the past few months,I didn't feel quite myself.Perhaps,I had lost faith in what I believed in at once and maybe that had caused to me to change.I was the cause of my own destruction.I just didn't know how to tell you.All I could tell you was that I was unhappy.
I apologise for the misunderstandings that we had.I may not tell or show you enough but I am still deeply in love with you.

This day,I cannot offer anything else except the love I always had for you.You have done so much for me but I have not done the same for you.It's is time for me to do the same for you.I will give my all in this relationship just like you.I'm picking myself up now,and continue to rebuild myself.I'm learning to love and trust better.I am learning to be a better person.Cause you deserve the best of me.I am taking this one step at a time,so please,give me time.Let this be a fresh start for you and me. :)

I just want to take this opportunity to tell you how much I appreciate you.I am truly blessed to have someone like you.I want you to know that I am really happy to be with you and I love love love love you so much.Yes,I do.Very much.Chuah En Quan,you better not forget that.
Thank you for everything,Hun.I'm looking forward to continue to share what ever we have,good or bad.Remember,even if at times I'm really angry,I still love you silly!Nothing can change that.
;)



PS: I like LOVE what we have.No matter what it is.'The married for more than 10 years' phase or any other phase.I still apprecite it,alot.

Life can't tear us apart

ohemgee.I should be studying now.Like,really STUDY!
Exam is on Wednesday,and here I am,wasting precious time blogging!shoot me.

Here's some pics from the sleepover.We didn't get to do much cause I was dead tired and Zen had to leave in the morning for worship practice.And,I talked to Zen in my sleep! :/ How embarassing.hah.

Told ya I was sleepy and tired


The grump

The patient bestfriend

The next day,Saturday, was pretty off for me.I did wish that I have spent it better but oh well,life was never fair.So,why should it be on my birthday?






PS:Thanks girl for all you've done for me.I'm very happy for you,for that change in your life.It's great to see you happier and on a whole new journey.I love you! :)
You're so mine during when my holiday starts!

8-teen!

I think I've lost my blogger mojo. :O Seriously!I've been writing drafts after drafts but end up deleting them as I felt what I wrote is just plain awful.Soooo,spare me!I'm going to tell you about what happened on the 8th of last month.Promise me you won't fall asleep?please?

Earlier that week,EQ asked me whether I would be free to join him for dinner on Friday night at San Francisco Steakhouse.I asked for mummy's permission and she was really,being the busy body person that she is,asking me a gazillion questions(where she already knows the answers to!) and telling me the different awkward situations could happen that night.I must say,we had quite a laugh.Obviously,she gave me the green light for any plans on that coming Friday.

Earlier that week,I had a very bad case of sunburn.When I mean bad,it really is.To those people who saw and knew about it certainly agreed.Every soul who saw the burns,had the scrunched up face and gave me the disgusted look.It was THAT bad.Since my skin was starting to peel off quite badly,not to mention disgusting,I had a wardrobe dilemma.I couldn't think of any dress to wear for Friday night.

That aside,earlier that week,Monday I think?There was the CAL Party at night.EQ was involved and incharged of the performances etc,so Adrian CC,K Si On and I came to show our support.A mini reunion too I must say. (: Transport was no problem at all for me that night.I had my driver to send me to Taylor's College.Hahaha.My driver was Adrian.He was kind enough to come pick me up at Usj6 all the way from Sunway.I told him,he didn't have to buy me a present anymore.I'd considered the transportation as a present!See!I'm so easily pleased! :D

We camwhored in the car.(I forced him) There was some traffic congestion,so why waste time?We should kill time!




Then,we met up with Si On and took more photos.Haha.I remember that night in the car,I was telling Adrian,"Adrian,C**** asked me out for dinner this Fiday."*smiles* Adrian,"Good la!".Me,"Scared la." Adrian,"Of what?Chill la.Have fun." Anyways,if you want to know what happened that night,we all had fun.Si On and I couldn't stop ourselves from critisizing the performers and other people and Adrian couldn't stop critiszing the DJ.LOL.That's just us! :P

Fast forward to Thursday night,
I still could not make up my mind on what to wear.I kept bugging EQ about it.He said,surprise him.Somehow,that night before I slept I finally decided on a dress.Teehee.Zen was also sleeping over on Friday night.I had a plan too. ;) To take over the world!Muahahah!Nah,I'm kidding.
My plan for Friday was,

• Ignore all calls and texts telling me stay back
  
• Stay away from any work and meetings
• Run back to EQ's house with him after my class
• Have fun
• Be grateful

Here comes Friday!I was so excited already when I woke up that morning.The fact that it is Friday was enough to make my day.Thank God It's Friday! (:
As usual,had Chem Lab,Bio Lab and then math.Then it was lunch with EQ,Italian!Food was yummy and we had the whole place to ourselves. :D After lunch,went back for the LAST period of the day,Physics.I was so excited by then already.All I could think of was just taking my bag and walking as fast as I could with EQ back to his house.That's exactly what I did as soon as class ended.haha.

At home,we talked,played Magic and slept for a while.It was the best afternoon of my life.It was exactly how I wanted to spend my day.Spending it with my other half.In the evening,we got ready and changed for dinner.I was rushing thinking that I'll be making both of us late.Then,while I was doing my make up,the conversation was like this.

Me: OMG,I hope we're not late or anything.
EQ: Chill..Take your time.*stares at me*
Me:I don't know why I'm rushing also.hahaha.
EQ: Do you think I should call for reservations?
Me: HUH?You haven't made reservations?
EQ: Nope.hmmm..How ah?Should I call them?
Me: Up to u la..hahaha.I thought you made reservations already.
EQ: Ok la,I think I'll just call them up.

Well,it went on for awhile.He also had to call Zen and tell her I was sending my stuff over to her place.You see,my best friend lives just a few doors away from the boyf.Since it'll be inappropriate to carry all my things for dinner,and since I will be meeting her that night for our sleepover,she said I could send it over before my dinner.BUT,guess what?When I asked EQ to call her,she's not at home but she said I can pass it to her mum cause she already told her mum.I was like WHAT?!OMG la.What will her mum think of me being at a boy's house?And where the heck did she went?She told me she'll be at home!

That aside,EQ helped me to send my things over.By the time he was back,I was almost done.We left the house after putting on our shoes.We were supposed to take a cab,but couldn't get any.Not surprised as it was a Friday night.So,we decided to walk to the restaurant.I was praying so hard my feet would survive the shoes.High heels is not a problem for me,just this particular one tends to give me blisters.

So,we walked,and walked,and trust me,I was starting to be grumpy already.EQ was frustrated because I was grumpy.I have my ugly moments and that was one of it!When we were just about to reach,the wind was blowing my hair,EQ said,you hair is messy.I replied,I don't care anymore la.Like it'll make any difference.Just so you know,my feet was hurting like HELL.I couldn't walk in those shoes anymore.The skin was peeling already.I was limping abit but kept telling myself,a few more steps and I can sit and kick my shoes off.All I had in mind was just to sit down and eat.I don't care if my hair was messy or anything.

EQ was walking ahead of me,I think he was pissed already cause I was grumpy,so I was whatever la,I'm just not in the mood.I saw him walked in and standing after he entered through the glass door.Through the glass door,I saw Zen and then Lisza,and I was thinking,
"Eh!What a coincidence!My best friends are here eating in the same place as I am!"I wanted to tell EQ,but when I walked in,I realised,there was so many familiar faces,not just Zen's and Lisza's.Si On and the rest said "Surprise!"and "Hi".Not to mention,Adrian snapping away in my face.As I scan the room,and then it hit me,OH!!!!!!!!!It's a surprise!Brain was really slow in processing the information.I was grinning like an idiot already! :P

First thing I did was,take my heels off and walked around the tables barefooted.
It was so so so so good to catch up on all the friends that I hardly see lately.
Old friends,new friends,what matters most is that they are my friends.I'm glad to be able to share this special moment with them.It meant the world to me to see them that night. :)

Remember when EQ went to call for reservations?He was actually calling Si On.Zen was not at home cause she was already there!HMPH.Reason why Adrian didn't say much when I told him cause he knew about the surprise.When I was complaining to Su Ann and Nick bout my week earlier on,they kept saying things will get better and then,now everything made sense!I can't believe it I didn't see what was going on!

I got EQ to thank for the surprise and Si On for arranging everything. (: To everyone,thank you for coming!I could not think of any other better way of turning legal! :) To those who couldn't make it,it's okay.It's the thought that really counts and your wishes were more than good enough. :) I love you all so very much and I mean it!5 Omega,G6,and my girlfriends!

To EQ,my other half,thank you for everything and also being so patient with me while walking there! :P Sorry I was such a grump.I enjoyed my entire day very much!

To all of you,cheers!

People



More people


More people and people?



Tee Wernie,Jimbo and Shawna :P



Darren L



Hoe Zhi!!!!!!



Min Cent :) My shrink :P






Candid(Zen,dont kill me for posting this up!)



She doesn't want to take any photos with me :( So,she owes me lots of camwhore time



My Lisza Pisza! :D giving her killer stare!



Flushed Aslam XD



Zen and Adrian


Shawna,Adrian and Ji Soon(the only 2,NOT in black.haha!)








Pufferfish :(





Cake!



Aslam and Adrian,the driver :P


K Si On,The organiser caring friend


Choon Han,Finally a picture with you!(after much begging)


Look how much he despise taking photos with me.He has his arms crossed. :p



The girlfriends that's always around :)




The planner thoughtful boyfriend


Yes,Imma monster.


This was what I settled for in the end.Covered up and long sleeved!
Exactly what I needed!


The other part of me




Thank you!